Dining with Squirrels

They loved it.  The kids went to Camp Roger for 4 nights and loved it.  When I picked Ben up, the first thing he said to me was “I want to stay.”  He has declared his intention to do the 7-night camp next year and is planning to be a counselor as soon as they’ll have him.  When I entered Lucy’s cabin to find her, she was on a top bunk with another girl chanting “mooo,  moooooo, moo, moo, MOO!!”  She seemed to take my arrival quite in stride — was I perhaps there to take away her dirty laundry?

I was not offended.  I was delighted.  I was delighted that my kids were fine without me.  Just like I’m delighted when another parents tells me what fine manners my kids had at their house.   Manners are Possible!  And so is independence.  Sometimes at home I feel as if I’m constantly in their service.  It’s easy for me to do more for them than I need to and heaven knows they’re fine with the arrangement.  So five days of fending for yourself at a meal table, managing relationships with new kids, remembering to brush your teeth and change your underwear, falling asleep without mom nearby, and finally packing it all back up seems like a healthy challenge.  Or maybe a checkup — even if they don’t always do it, it’s nice to know they can.  Or could, as the case may be.  We’ll never really know how much tooth-brushing or underwear-changing went on.

It’s not that I don’t want to care for or serve my children.  It’s certainly not that I want my kids to grow up and leave.  It’s that I know they will and so the best I can do is prepare them for it.  Their return from camp allowed me to see that Karl and I might be succeeding in putting them on track for larger departures — summer jobs, semesters abroad, college, cell phones and drivers’ licenses.

Their absence was a test for me too.  After I dropped the kids off on Thursday, I had just a short while until my date with internet-famous Karl Swedberg, known in these parts as my husband.  Honestly?  I was just a little bit worried we wouldn’t have enough conversation in us to fill up a whole two hours of drinks and dinner.  You’ll all be glad to know that we did.  Ever scientifically rigorous, we re-tested the hypothesis [“Karl and Sara have something to talk about besides our children.”] the next 3 nights as well.  And I didn’t have to cook once.  Cheers!

All that said, I was almost heaving with relief to see them Monday morning.  And despite Lucy’s initial sangfroid, later that day, she confessed that she did cry a little the first night.  She sighed heavily and repeatedly:  “I’m SO glad to be home!”  I got quite a few snuggles out of her, each one a tonic.  She had really missed me and I had deeply missed her.  When I saw Ben for the first time, I felt my heart expand in my chest, stretching and inhaling with a primal joy. It may be that I can prepare them to leave and prepare myself for their absence.  I even enjoyed their absence — did I just finish 6 hours of Pride and Prejudice?  I’m going to watch it again!  Oh, yes she did.  And they clearly enjoyed theirs — the stories and songs and campfire tales this week have been quite entertaining.  But as Annie Lamott says, I could feel the jungle drums beating.  I’m glad they did fine without me.  I really glad they’re home.